My insides are screaming.  I, I honestly... I'm not really sure, it's spiraling...  I don't really know what to say or think or feel... One moment it's confusion, one moment it's sadness, and then the next, it's pure malicious hatred and anger!  Anger, hmph!  Doesn't even touch the force of which I feel burn and fester inside me!  Of all the confounded morbid sense of karma's or fate's sense of humor...  Today...

I was at arms length...  The same room...  He disgusts me, makes me sick...  Sick to my stomach literally!  There isn't even way or a word that could descibe just how much my skin crawled today.  How badly I had to stop myself from shaking to the point I'd rather just slit my wrist to keep from feeling the way I did.  Nor how badly I wanted to see his corpse in front of me or to take a knife or gun and kill him where he sat, laughing while I did it!

My little sisters boyfriend, the one that lead to her untimely death...  The one we couldn't prove in court with the evidence we had. Moved back in with his brother, my older sisters ex and the father of her baby.  We were there at his house today and Angie (older sister) somehow randomly forgot to mention the fact that he lived there.  Then precedes to ask me why I seem upset and not talking.  Well jeez sis, we're sitting in the same with our younger siblings murderer... Should I be all smiles and talking?