My advice to you all is never, ever consider having children. The worst life choice that I have ever made was the decision to have kids. I love my children but, it just isn't worth it.
really? I wasn't planning spitting any out anytime soon, seeing as having kids is binding yourself to another human being, who you don't even know ahead of time, for the rest of both of your lives, but I've kind of imagined that in some point in my life I would be willing. What has inspired such emphatic pessimism on parenting?
Wow, well, its nice to see some honesty. This is one of those things that its "terrible" to admit to. I know way more people that have kids would have not had them for one reason or another, and yet that is never said.
Personally, I always thought I'd be a bad mother, until this past year for some reason. I have no idea what sparked my maternal confidence. Anyway, I like little kids, but that is possibly b/c I don't have to spend 24/7 with them.
I guess its something about the innocence and openness that I like about them. They do get bigger though :P. But sometimes when I'm in a pessimistic mood, I question why I'd want to bring anyone into this world. There's also adoption though, where I could offer something better for someone who is already here.
Personally, I'm not sure at what stage I'd want to have kids, or what things I'll want to have done before hand. But I do think timing is an important factor in whether or not you end up regretting it later. Or it could have nothing to do w/ it at all.
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."- Oscar Wilde
Children are a huge responsibility. I don't think people take into account that they will require your attention for the rest of their life, not just until they move out or go to college. You will never STOP being a parent. You will never be able to think of yourself before you think of your child (well you could, I guess). This may mean that you will have to forfeit personal goals in order to adequately take care of your child. It will also bind you to the person you decided to have the child with for the rest of your life, provided that the two of you want to be a part of that child's life.
Well, I'm sure there are several more reasons not to have children and I don't want people to think I'm against children all together. Children can be a blessing to the right people. In general, they're fun to be around and have a lot of personality, especially when they're younger. I love children, I do. I just would prefer not to have them as I know I have my own personal goals and I wouldn't want to sacrifice my own life for the sake of another that doesn't yet exist.
I think people who do choose to have children are brave; I admire them in every sense. But if you have a choice, I would encourage you to think about why you want to have a child. I would encourage you to have a child for the right reasons (because you actually want to have one and commit to them for the rest of your life), not because you feel lonely or because you think having a child will make you and partner closer.
Socially, it sounds terrible to admit that you don't want children, especially when you already have them. But I think the error is in the expectation that everyone will have kids. Thankfully nowadays, some people can choose not to have kids and not be marginalized for that choice.
But, I am wondering why you say that Maestro? What's not worth having kids? Do you mean not having kids as in not having sex to give birth to children (so adoption is alright), or not having kids as in not parenting at all?
I think the largest blow to my parents when I came out wasn't anything to do with sexuality. The worst part of accepting me being gay for my parents was the assumption that it meant I'd never have kids.
I've always assumed I'd be a bad parent, one of those over-controlling, crazed parents who want his children to be perfect in every way. (Or is that a dream of many parents? lol.) But I'm undecided. Parenthood, if it ever comes, is a long way away for me still..
------------------------------------
"No one has ever said that life is to be easy. Only that it is to be lived."
- Grandmother in "The Road to Rankin's Point" by Alistair Macleod
__________________
"No one has ever said that life is to be easy. Only that it is to be lived."
- Grandmother in "The Road to Rankin's Point" by Alistair Macleod
a big difference, that would be what I was wondering as well.
I'm thrilled to see very realistic views on children and parenting here though. There are far too many people out there that don't take these things into consideration, and far more that have kids that never should have and tend to propegate the abusive cycles that were referred to on another post.
Psychboi... we have a winner... he gets the cupie doll. I always liked kids until I met mine. Here is the really terrible thing, my kids are the only ones who seem to respond to me in such a volitile manner. I have a foster son who was great and I work very closely with children and they generally respond well. LGBT youth groups respond well. It is just my own kids. I am glad that we are coming to a time when it is socially ok for people to choose not to have kids, as said above. No sex is just fine but I wish I would have confined my own to nonprocreative endeavors. Adoption would have been better for me because I would have been able to pick older kids who also picked me and so I would be able to know persponality type as would the child. I'm actually considering that after my kids are all moved out becoming part of the foster parents system speciafically for LGBT kids who the state has trouble placing. It just seems to be the ones that I have had to deal with from birth forward that have been the problem for me. I love my kids but that doesn't mean that I think that it was a good choice. The thing about it is that many of their friends have told them that they would love to trade places with them. And other parents that are friends of mine anbd have been around through these kids whole live wonder how my kids ended up being such a problem for the world. I've seen their friends tell them to stop talking to their mother the wrong way. Nobody around here gets it, they know the parents and the home and cannot fathom how some of my kids can be so very much a problem. I'm at a loss. And I resent the effect that it has had on my life. If I would have known that I would have had kids like this I never would have done it.
Well, I think that was very well put. And I definately agree about the adopting older kids who have sort of...already become who they will be a little bit...rather than...the box of chocolates? lol.
And yeah, I think that's a BIG reason why people end up regretting having children, or being unhappy with their situation: they didn't do it for the right reasons- but I guess that's true with anything in life. That expectation, about everyone having kids though is what probably 'pushes' alot of people to, although I do think its finally being 'ok' to decide not to.
And personally, I'm about as ridiculously ambitious and goal-oriented as they come, but I think I've learned that that mindset...can be applied to much more things than I had ever considered.
Yeah, that's why I thought I'd be a bad mother. I'd be controlling. I thought I wouldn't raise them like my mom did me- sound kind of opposite to common thought right? Because I now appreciate how my mom raised me and always let me be myself, and didn't push her biases on me...yet still shared her own views and perception. Maybe that's because I think I've come into a little more self-love, too. lol.
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."- Oscar Wilde
Offline
really? I wasn't planning spitting any out anytime soon, seeing as having kids is binding yourself to another human being, who you don't even know ahead of time, for the rest of both of your lives, but I've kind of imagined that in some point in my life I would be willing. What has inspired such emphatic pessimism on parenting?
Personally, I always thought I'd be a bad mother, until this past year for some reason. I have no idea what sparked my maternal confidence. Anyway, I like little kids, but that is possibly b/c I don't have to spend 24/7 with them.
I guess its something about the innocence and openness that I like about them. They do get bigger though :P. But sometimes when I'm in a pessimistic mood, I question why I'd want to bring anyone into this world. There's also adoption though, where I could offer something better for someone who is already here.
Personally, I'm not sure at what stage I'd want to have kids, or what things I'll want to have done before hand. But I do think timing is an important factor in whether or not you end up regretting it later. Or it could have nothing to do w/ it at all.
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."- Oscar Wilde
Children are a huge responsibility. I don't think people take into account that they will require your attention for the rest of their life, not just until they move out or go to college. You will never STOP being a parent. You will never be able to think of yourself before you think of your child (well you could, I guess). This may mean that you will have to forfeit personal goals in order to adequately take care of your child. It will also bind you to the person you decided to have the child with for the rest of your life, provided that the two of you want to be a part of that child's life.
Well, I'm sure there are several more reasons not to have children and I don't want people to think I'm against children all together. Children can be a blessing to the right people. In general, they're fun to be around and have a lot of personality, especially when they're younger. I love children, I do. I just would prefer not to have them as I know I have my own personal goals and I wouldn't want to sacrifice my own life for the sake of another that doesn't yet exist.
I think people who do choose to have children are brave; I admire them in every sense. But if you have a choice, I would encourage you to think about why you want to have a child. I would encourage you to have a child for the right reasons (because you actually want to have one and commit to them for the rest of your life), not because you feel lonely or because you think having a child will make you and partner closer.
Socially, it sounds terrible to admit that you don't want children, especially when you already have them. But I think the error is in the expectation that everyone will have kids. Thankfully nowadays, some people can choose not to have kids and not be marginalized for that choice.
But, I am wondering why you say that Maestro? What's not worth having kids? Do you mean not having kids as in not having sex to give birth to children (so adoption is alright), or not having kids as in not parenting at all?
I think the largest blow to my parents when I came out wasn't anything to do with sexuality. The worst part of accepting me being gay for my parents was the assumption that it meant I'd never have kids.
I've always assumed I'd be a bad parent, one of those over-controlling, crazed parents who want his children to be perfect in every way. (Or is that a dream of many parents? lol.) But I'm undecided. Parenthood, if it ever comes, is a long way away for me still..
------------------------------------
"No one has ever said that life is to be easy. Only that it is to be lived."- Grandmother in "The Road to Rankin's Point" by Alistair Macleod
"No one has ever said that life is to be easy. Only that it is to be lived." - Grandmother in "The Road to Rankin's Point" by Alistair Macleod
"That which is to give light must endure burning"
- Viktor Frankl
a big difference, that would be what I was wondering as well.
I'm thrilled to see very realistic views on children and parenting here though. There are far too many people out there that don't take these things into consideration, and far more that have kids that never should have and tend to propegate the abusive cycles that were referred to on another post.
No sex is just fine but I wish I would have confined my own to nonprocreative endeavors. Adoption would have been better for me because I would have been able to pick older kids who also picked me and so I would be able to know persponality type as would the child.
I'm actually considering that after my kids are all moved out becoming part of the foster parents system speciafically for LGBT kids who the state has trouble placing.
It just seems to be the ones that I have had to deal with from birth forward that have been the problem for me. I love my kids but that doesn't mean that I think that it was a good choice. The thing about it is that many of their friends have told them that they would love to trade places with them. And other parents that are friends of mine anbd have been around through these kids whole live wonder how my kids ended up being such a problem for the world. I've seen their friends tell them to stop talking to their mother the wrong way. Nobody around here gets it, they know the parents and the home and cannot fathom how some of my kids can be so very much a problem.
I'm at a loss. And I resent the effect that it has had on my life. If I would have known that I would have had kids like this I never would have done it.
And yeah, I think that's a BIG reason why people end up regretting having children, or being unhappy with their situation: they didn't do it for the right reasons- but I guess that's true with anything in life. That expectation, about everyone having kids though is what probably 'pushes' alot of people to, although I do think its finally being 'ok' to decide not to.
And personally, I'm about as ridiculously ambitious and goal-oriented as they come, but I think I've learned that that mindset...can be applied to much more things than I had ever considered.
Yeah, that's why I thought I'd be a bad mother. I'd be controlling. I thought I wouldn't raise them like my mom did me- sound kind of opposite to common thought right? Because I now appreciate how my mom raised me and always let me be myself, and didn't push her biases on me...yet still shared her own views and perception. Maybe that's because I think I've come into a little more self-love, too. lol.
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."- Oscar Wilde