Funny...  

I am having on of those restless nights when all I really want to do is sleep.  But, as much as I want to...  My mind won't let me.  It's racing with so much right now, more then I would care to think about.  Some, being my fanfic or reminiscing the good times with friends or even Openmynds/Outminds those are ok, I don't mind that.

But, I find myself thinking about someone I'd much rather forget about entirely.  I suppose it doesn't help that he is on my Facebook and today he is going into surgery within the hour.

I have already mentioned a little of this in other threads, but I figured I'd post it.  Just, well I don't know why.

About this time last year I spent alot of nights on here.  Looking through the posts or spending hours in the chatroom, then I vanished.  I didn't really mean for it to happen that way, it just kinda happened.

With my little sister's passing a couple of years ago my parents have dealt with it in different strides, my father...  Well, in some ways in seemed like it didn't phase him at all.  My mother?  Slowly she was slipping into something, that even now I don't think she has quite gotten out of.  Needless to say my father, who was a truck driver, retired last year and came home.

Shortly after money began to dwindle and he hadn't any choice but to find a new job.  In the end there wasn't enough money being brought in to afford the gas to take both my father and myself to and from work.  I would have had to quit.  I didn't though, things went a little differently for me.

An old friend of mine from years ago moved back into town.  I ended up dating him.  With the gas and money being an issue and with his problems with his family, he found an apartment.  Oh how I wished for another way...  I took as long as I could in making my decision which was limited to two weeks.  In the end I did what I felt was necessary and moved in with him.

Later I realised what a mistake that was.  How quickly he changed and in time, I was living with a person I didn't know.  I myself became a stranger to 'me'.  His constant mood swings turned into using me as an emotional punching bag.  I sometimes wonder if he himself even knew some of the cruel things he said...

The last week of September was my most happiest at the apartment, but with it came a new world of turmoil.  That week he left.  Almost everything he owned, my car (two weeks later he gave it to Goodwill), and some of the rent money.  That was the week I got paid, what I had left went to the rent.  Two more weeks would pass before I would get another pay check.  The rent is $550, he left me with $320.

Food?  There wasn't any.  Our cupboards were empty save for a pack of crackers and in the fridge we had cheese.  With his tip money and the rent money he was set in his leaving.  It took months to get out of the hole he left me in... If not for a few close friends I'm not sure what I would've done for food.

From time to time he pops up...  Asking me how I am...  Telling me how he supposedly still cares for me and wants me to move to Florida so we can get back together....  When my mother bought me a car I didn't tell him...  He found out about 2 months later and called me.  Stupidly I answered the phone as usual.

"I heard you got a car, why didn't you tell me.  Jason, that's bullshit.  You know, I would've came back if you had told me you had a car!"

Those are his words exactly, it cut through me.  I've not been able to forget his condescending tone.  He stole one from me, yet somehow...  I'm at fault for him not returning when he chose to leave stealing my first car!  I didn't even know he was leaving until I looked out the window of the gas station I work at and saw his things in the backseat of the car at the pump.

In one way, I was happy... Happy to be rid of someone so heartless...  But, even with his crude ways of making me feel like pond scum...  Deep down I cared for him, almost more then I did all those years ago...  And sometimes, I still want to think I do.  I can't seem to learn how to hate.

So...  There's the story...  I vanished from a move I never should have made.  

I'm visiting my folks, but I've not been this content and happy since I moved out.  I don't want to go back to my apartment, but I know I must tomorrow...  My room mate and I don't have cable or internet there.  We've never been able to afford it...  My ex and I never got around to getting it, but I am happy for that.  He would have left me with even more bills if we did.

So, if I vanish again for awhile... It's not that I want to, I just have no way of maintaining a constant link to the internet.