You just need some good friends. I mean the type you don't have to watch yourself around. I know that's not really what you're talking about here, but believe me, good friends make all the difference when you go through any difficulty. And I know it sounds stupid, but you really do have to 'get out there'! I mean, personally, I'm content doing things like you described alone, or with friends. You have to be comfortable by yourself and with others-even strangers. Show confidence and you'll get far- or at least have alot of fun. IKeep yourself busy and go where guys hangout. And if you try stuff online- be careful, really. Everyone gets lonely, or want's something-anything, that is,  that they don't already have sometimes. I used to be ridiculously shy and withdrawn, now I'm extremely outgoing.

Boy do I remember being shy. >_<

I ended up coaching myself.. XD College helped a lot. There were so many extracurricular things and clubs and such. I'd just throw myself in a situation, like a meeting at a new club, and kind of train myself and learn how to introduce myself to people and carry conversation. It became a bit of an addiction.. XD alphy would know. Sometimes, I'd have several club meetings lined up on the evening.. Then schoolwork came crashing down and I pulled back.

Now, I'm quite comfortable around people and I feel more confident in new situations.

I used to feel really lonely and sulk. With alphy, it doesn't happen anymore. Before he lived with me, when I felt lonely, I'd just find an event to attend. I'm interested in community development and there are tonnes of such organizations. So I'd find one that interested me with an upcoming meeting. It'd be like a date. And as it neared, I'd get excited.. XD (sad, huh?)

It's amazing how being around people does wonders. Whenever I'm around a group of people, I usually have a great time now.

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PLUS! You're into animation! Like computer animation? Zomgs. We need to chat. Yes, indeed. I <3 animation. And after taking a university class in animation basics (more like the programming and algorithms behind animation rather than techniques.. ^^"), I got even more excited about it.

Yeah see I have plenty of friends all Hetero of course and I am out and about all the time. Clubs not like groups but like dance clubs and such aren't my scene I am just a regular guy.  I go to bars and stuff but it feels like even when I am surrounded bye huge groups of people I am totally alone. As Ryan Adams would say " I have a good heart. I just can't ketch a break." On top of that no offence ment bye this to anyone here but most gay men are all about looks they don't give a rats ass about anything else it seems and as I said I am just your normal average every day Joe. I take care of my family, work hard and such of that nature. I'm not to easy on the eyes but it's not what's on the out side that counts and that seems not to count for shit anymore when most gay men are narcissist. I'm pretty out going dude just no one will give me a chance. I try not to think about trying to find some one but you can only not think about it enough before it taps ya on the shoulder and reminds ya.

Yea.. dance clubs are not my thing either. Clubs as in associations and non-profits. Now those are awesome. ^^"

And I agree. The whole gay village thing is largely about shallow appearances and uninhibited sex. It's rather sad. I used to be more active in the LGBT community, but I found that it was impossibly hard to go against that party/go-go scene. It doesn't help that I'm also quite opposed to drinking, and other deliberate ways of inflicting a slow death on yourself. XD

Parties and drinking and sex are so ingrained in gay culture, but there does seem to be a change in the wind. As it becomes more acceptable to be gay, I find more gay people coming out who aren't in the village scene. You have conservative gays now, non-partying gays. Even gay guys who don't want sex first! *le gaspe* Quite a concept, eh? lol.

I met alphy through the most random of ways: through a yahoo group made by an author of a nifty.org story. (It's also quite hard to find a decent story on nifty.org.. XD). And our relationship is built on conversation and learning about each other and how to live with each other.. I think it helped that we were long-distance for so long.

But you'll find people in the most peculiar places.

The old OM was one such place, where there was a real community of people that found acceptance and friendship in each other. And then it was turned off.. and we were sad. So here we are with OpenMynds trying to do the same. ^^

Yeah I mean I've done my far deal of partying my self. I have calmed down now that I am older I bearly drink ever I used to smoke ciggs but I quick cold turkey I'm a pretty easy going guy. God sex that is word that hasn't crossed my mind in years it's been that long LOL. I don't even care about that not to say it's not a part of what a relationship is. Sex is a healthy zesty thing but not when that's what the whole relationship is based around. I just want some one to sleep next to so when I wake up in the morning so there isn't this huge empty space next to me and in my heart. Some one to cuddle with on bad days and to talk to when I am not in the right mind to make me feel better about my self. I mean I can talk to friends but they don't totally get it. It's hard to hang out with them some times because I am the odd man out. When they all have some one and I am the loner. We can all say "Oh you'll find some one eventually" but ya know I've been hearing that and saying that for years and years and well it hasn't happend. And I keep asking WTF!?  is wrong with me? Maybe I did something in a past life that isn't allowing me love in this one. If so I think I learned my lesson. As the Song goes " If it wasn't for bad luck. I wouldn't have no luck at all."

This is such a moving post because everyone here can relate to a time in their lives when they have felt completely alone in this world - and there is a difference between feeling lonely and feeling like you are alone.

I hear more feelings of being "alone" than I do of feeling "lonely" in this post. From what we are told, you have friends (so you're not necessarily socially isolated) but even in a crowd of people, you are alone.

It is so very true that there are many shallow, self-centered people in this world, and many gay men are malignantly narcissistic.  However, what I'm hearing from your comments regarding that is not that gay men think too highly of themselves, but that you think too lowly of yourself! It would be extremely hard to have meaningful connections with others while having a bad relationship with yourself. Don't fall for that trick: It's much easier to be angry with other people in how they treat you (and others) than it is to look at yourself and be angry with how you might be sabotaging your own happiness.

Hopefully you will find that all of us here welcome you with open arms just the way you are!  Hopefully you will find that some of the "absolutes" (such as "all gay men are narcissists", "I will never find love", "no one will give me a chance", ect) that you let rule your life will be brought into question here, and you'll find some freedom from this dark place that you're in right now.

Scully if you still check this site out send me your number...  I was thru poughkeepsie on 84 just the other day...  found out it's really not a far drive at all for me...  i think just hanging out would be chill..   hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

  micah