Oh yeah I have a girlfriend...

Posted on: September 8, 2008 - 8:19am
Oh yeah I have a girlfriend...
 So as many of you know I talked about being in a long distance relationship. Apparently within the first two days of being gone my lovely girlfriend got wasted and made out with some guy. I was, as to be expected, pissed. We are currently broken up but still speaking as though we are dating. 

Now, getting drunk ain't her style. She explained to me what happened. She was upset about me leaving, some body issues are coming back up, and she's been thrown into this new world alone. I'm not really explaining it well but from what she said I believe and understand what she did. This wasn't meant to happen, she wasn't looking for someone to make out with, it's a one time deal and she's never getting drunk again. This was about a week or so ago. I sit here trying to forgive and forget but I can't. 

I love her, I do. I envision us getting together after college and I can go to law school and she can start her career. We'll buy a shit apartment together and a kitty, we already have the name.
 
When she goes out, doesn't answer her cellphone or her texts, gives me vague details of her night. I really start to worry and I fear this is going to be a breakdown in the relationship. I just can't trust her anymore. She tells me she is trying to get away from that lifestyle, but I just can't believe her. I should, she never has lied to me before, this is a first for her. She seems so hurt and distraught about what she did. I can tell she's been crying a lot over it. 

I know how important trust is in a relationship, especially one when you're thousands of miles away. 
Is there anyone that can relate? Have stories? Advice about what I should/could do? 
I'm at a lost, I know I am here in a brand new place and I can find hundreds of other girls to love and adore. But I don't want to. I'm hers but without knowing if she is mine is pursuing this really worth it to be hurt again?


Posted on: September 8, 2008 - 3:20pm #1
When I was in a long distance relationship she cheated on me. It was... horrible. But I gave her one chance, I knew that I loved her and I was pretty sure she loved me, we talked over what happened and we agreed to stay together and try to work it out... now, you don't know this girl, I should have ripped her apart right then and never talked to her again. But hey, I'm a sucker for the crazies... She did end up cheating on me again and leaving me for the girl, but what could I expect, that's how me and her started, pretty much cheating on her ex.
where was I going with this?

pretty much, you have to have trust in a relationship. it's one of the most important things. And to be in a long distance relationship without the trust you pretty much go insane. you absolutely have to have it. after the ex that I was talking about above I pretty much have this big no cheating thing, like at all... but honestly, the situation you talked about I somewhat understand. No matter how much I believe that cheating is not ok no matter what, drunk makeout sessions happen.
what really matters is how you feel about it. do you want to give her another chance? and if you did, could you trust her again?
It's good that she was honest with you about what happend, at least she didn't try to hide it. so she does care about you and the relationship.

but you do need to talk to her before you make your final decision. if you want to stay with her, tell her how much the honsesty means, and that you want to trust her again and make sure she understands that you might be kinda iffy for awhile, you have every right to be.

but if you want this to work with her you guys have to talk it out, don't try to ignore it.
__________________

I have not eaten the heart.

Posted on: September 27, 2008 - 6:44pm #2
This is my advice.... Everyone makes mistakes and a first time in a new place a lot can happen. But if she is sorry and it sounds like she is then you should really give it an honest shot... love don't come around everyday. I hope it all works out!

sam
Posted on: December 21, 2008 - 8:57pm #3
I have to say, trust is HUGE. My ex cheated on me, and even though I believed her, I was always worried about what she was doing. And we go to the same school. So I can imagine long-distance would be even worse.

If you can get over the paranoia, and truly trust her- even when she doesn't text you or call you- that's when you know for sure that it's meant to be.

I really hope it works out for you though!!
Posted on: January 3, 2009 - 1:11am #4
I had a long distance relationship for 5 years and she only kissed another girl once, and me as well. Its tough though, really hard, and it's actually the reason we ended. Theres no way in telling and her and I still talk but it's so hard and we've finally moved on and we're happy...but so many little things, the stuff that mattered to me, the stuff you're missing the little information and the response is what I never had from her. I'm finally dating someone that cares about communication and it's truly a different feeling. You have to really push her and if she can't cut you some slack and respond, then sometimes it isn't worth the effort, it has to be two sided.