I guess the question on my mind is this: Who's making this relationship awkward?
 
Is it awkward because you two are so different, in that  your girlfriend isn't comfortable being affectionate [in public] and is naive to all of this while you are not?

Or do you think you're having a hard time dealing with the problem that you aren't satisfied in this relationship while also not wanting to hurt this girl (like you were hurt by your ex). That certainly would make things awkward as well.


I find the most interesting thing about this is how you are drawn back to the person who hurt you. By going back to your ex, you are putting your girlfriend in the same place you were (and you're taking on the same role that your ex did with you). 

I wonder if that has any significance to you?

Its not really that Im not comfortable with being affectionate in public because I have never had a problem before its I dont want people to talk about her and her have to go through what I went through when I first came out. I could care less what they think about me or say about me Im used to it I just don't want her to be talked about. Or get in trouble with her parents.

Im definitly not feeling to satisfied in this relationship but at the same time I feel like its only because I dont want to get hurt and if I dont try and make this work then Ill never be able to be with anyone ever again.

Im over my ex for the most part and my girlfriend is very aware of how emotional my ex can make me (mainly pissed off) but even that kinda of control scares me.....
Im not sure why I continue to even talk to my ex but I loved her so much and part of  me cant seem to let go of how things once were

What I'm seeing in this post is a pattern - In an attempt to avoid getting hurt, you somehow seem to find yourself in relationships that don't work out (or at least don't work for you).

Have you ever considered that you might take away people's responsibility for themselves?
It's noble to want to protect someone from getting hurt, but if your hurting yourself in the process (by staying in an unsatisfying relationship) then you're just transfering the "hurt" over. If your girlfriend is unable or unwilling to deal with all the obstacles that coming out can bring with it, that's fine for her, but you may want to reconsider if that's fine for you.

On one hand, you don't want to re-experience what happened between you and your ex (which is completely understandable), yet on the other hand, it seems that very thing is happening, just in a different way.

It is admirable that you want to protect this girl. But at the same time it seems that your effort to protect her is somehow inhibiting your ability to be affectionate with her. Is the factor that is preventing PDAs your own inhibition or her inhibition? If she is not ready to come out and that is preventing affectionate contact then you will have to deal with that issue. But if she is ready to start being more or coming more out and you are ihibiting  her process by trying to protect her you need to let her decide about her own coming out. Just as we have to respect the right of another in general to be closeted we also have to respect the right of another to come out. I'm still not really clear in the source of the inhibitions toward the hand holding or the kissing. Are the inhibitions your own, her own or from both of you?
Now you say that you are not satisfied with this relationship. Have you thought about exactly what it is you are not satisfied with? You might try and list the things that your perfect ideal relationship would have, list them as the positives and not as the nagative inverse qualities. For instance you would list trust and honesty as something that it would have and you would list no lying as something that it wouldn't have. This gives you a mondset toward building and imagining what should be there and goals about what to bring in rather than goals about what to keep out. By making this list, you are going to have a clear view of what you want and need. then order that list according to importance of each of these issues.
Use the list to examine your relationship and see which of those point you have and how you can bring more of those things into the relationship if possible. You have to build a relationship and you should do so with a sense of direction and clear goals.
Lastly, it appears that a past failed relationship has become a constant presence in your mind and it is effectiong the way you feel and the way you are acting. try to become aware of exactly how that past relationship programed you to look at things and where you have inhibiting fears about this relationship that are actually related to the past one. Then get past those things and look at how to build toward your goals.

Well what exactly do you do when that other person stays on your mind all the time even when you don't want them there?

Well, there are several strategies for dealing with this:

1.) You could decide that every day you're going to sit infront of your mirror and look directly into your eyes and spend exactly 1 hour thinking about this girl. If she's that important, why not schedule these intrusive thoughts about her into your everyday life?

2.) You could simply just accept that those thoughts are there. Ex: You keep having thoughts about her in your mind, instead of getting distraught about them or focusing all your attention about them, just say to yourself, "Oh, there's those thoughts about that girl again. No big deal." And keep going on about your day. (that's a strategie from:  Acceptance and Committment Therapy)

would it be a mistake to try and talk to this girl about how I am feeling?

As a general rule I think that communication is the best option. If you talk to her in a really calm way and let her know how you feel then at least you will avoid a situation where she strats to feel that there is something not being shared. It would be better IMO to lat her know what is going on that to leave her wondering what is going on. But please note that I'm not in the situation with you so you must ultimately decide this.
You have started a really good process her by asking these questions and really trying to examine your own feeling and motivations and as they become more clear to you you will be able to decide how to manage them and to what extent they should be shared.

I mean should I talk to the ex about how I am feeling like as far as missing her?

I get the feeling that you have - in your mind - already pretty much decided that you want to talk to your ex again, and you're looking for others to validate this decision. The last few posts have been coming back to opening back up communication with your ex, so clearly it's on your mind.

I think if you are honest with yourself, you are just unhappy in your present relationship. But since  you don't want to get hurt by your ex again,  you're still holding on to this relationship "just in case". I believe that you have feelings for your present girlfriend, however, i think maybe you care for her because she'll be there to ease your pain if/when your ex hurts you again. It's natural to have caring feelings for someone like that. However, if you were to really consider how your present girlfriend would feel knowing that she's a back-up, you'd realize that some things probably hurt more than the feelings you have when you break up. I imagine she'd feel very used.

Ultimately, you are probably going to do what you want whether or not anyone here agrees with it.

One truth in life is this: In order to say "yes" to something, you have to say "no" to something else.
With that in mind, there are always going to options you wish you could have taken and options you wish you hadn't taken. If you stay with your current girlfriend, you're going to be missing out on a potential "something" with your ex. If you go back to your ex, you'll miss out on something with your present girlfriend. Chances are either situation is not going to be easy and you'll have a hard time with either one. Unless you think it'd be easier to just stick their names in a hat and randomly pick one, I suggest you go with your gut and make the choice - once and for all.

What do you want to say, "yes" to in your life? Consider what you'll be saying "no" to in your life with that decision.

wow

well i broke up with my gf a few days ago b.c i wasnt being fair to her.

wow

well i broke up with my gf a few days ago b.c i wasnt being fair to her.

I'm sorry you went through a break up. Even if they are the "right" thing to do and it was something you wanted to do, break ups aren't fun and they aren't easy.

Long term, I think you'll be happier that you did it.

Any luck with your ex?

well i hvaent had a chance to talk to her just yet but honestly I dont want the pain. I miss her terribly I do but heres the thing I dont miss the heartache that came with her so I need to move on. Its taking me a really long time but with even more time alone Ill know that I dont need someone to make me happy. Its going to be hard but I think its what I need.

Regardless of how much I miss her Ill be better in the end.

o and btw thanks for everything

You're just beginning to realize something kinda extraordinary if you really think about it.

You know that saying, "love your neighbor as you love yourself?"

The truth in that statement isn't so much about loving those around you - it's all about loving yourself first!
You can't love others if you don't love and accept yourself first. And if/when you can do that, the love you have for others is so much more genuine.

I firmly believe that the overwhelming majority of "first" relationships will not work out. They really are doomed to fail. You have to learn what you like, what you need, and how to balance the two - and that almost never happens with your first relationship. It takes practice.

i learned that along time ago believe it or not

i just never wanted to believe it

because i loved them so much

Yeah :/

perhaps sometimes we use other people to distract us from ourselves.

in anycase, losing people is never fun or easy. Take care of yourself for a while. you need it.

thnx : ]

i mean that and your right

Well, I am very glad that you are protecting yourself and loving yourslef. It is nice to see this, and it seems that you are making the right choices here. So take care of yourself.

well since last I was on things have had a change for the better and they are amazing

That sounds like an amazing story just waiting to be told

and it really is

So tell us the good news!!!

well i met someone who I dont have the issues that I was having before and she is so amazing and understands me on a level I never thought possible. And the best thing is....she makes me happier than any of my other girlfriends (including the ex I was having issues over) ever did. She is the best thing to happen to me in a really long time.