My ex and I

Posted on: September 27, 2008 - 6:20pm
My ex and I
So here is the story....

            I was with my ex for almost 3 years we were engaged for 2 of those years. I met her when I was 16 and I fell in love right away. However, over time after many ups and downs our love started to fade and we found each other quite unbareable at times. We were always fighting and we were never happy. Well, about two weeks ago I decided to end it because I didn't want to fight anymore. I just got so tired of it. Now she and I are talking again and are trying to be friends. You might be thinking whats the problem? Well about 3 days ago we decided that there would be no harm in trying the frends with benifits, even though my gut told me it could get messy. For days now we have been kissing and making love, and i find my self falling all over again. The only problem is part of me is scared if i jump back into this with her it will just go back to the way it was and the amazingness of the last couple days will be over in a heart beat. I feel like I did when I first met her. I don't know what to do! I don't know if it's time to move on or if it's time to go back?!!


sam

Posted on: September 27, 2008 - 6:50pm #1
Well, it's not unusualy for women who have been in a relationship together to maintain close contact after that relationship has ended (it doesn't seem to be as common among men as it is with women).

However, it seems terribly premature to be trying to consider a "friends-with-benefits" relationship when you've just broken up with someone whom you were intimately involved with for a considerable amount of time as you were.

In my personal opinion, I don't see how an arrangement like that could work between you two. It's way too soon to be trying to have a "casual thing" with her. Obviously there have been alot of issues going on that either weren't addressed or couldn't be addressed. If you two can't address these issues (or won't address them), you are going to be walking back into the same situation. You're relationship with her when you two were together was rocky; I suspect a relationship with her while you two are apart would be the same.

My suggestion is, if you want to be with her (which wouldn't be wrong), you two have some serious talking to do. It's normal for couples to have arguments and to disagree with each other. It's not normal to fight to the point of wanting to break up.

 

Posted on: September 28, 2008 - 12:34am #2
i just wanted to ask...do u really see it as a casual thing? or do u think that by having the great couple of days that it feels like you are already taking those steps to jump back into a relo?

sometimes all we really want is to find the things that made us fall in the first place

and now that you have had ur time apart you might have been able to let yourself see what it was that you loved about her..this goes for her too..

us girls tend 2 b 2 involved in each others lives...so wen we get a chance 2 step back we appriciate and love all over again!

i hope this helps :)
Posted on: August 26, 2009 - 12:03pm #3
i think your situation is just like me and my gfs (er - ex gf..). weve been off and on for 2 years, and when we fight, we FIGHT. im talking physical fist fights, but when we're good, we're really good. and we've tried so many times to be just friends but no matter what we end up getting physical and we just mutually agree that we're together without talking about it. and i think youre in the same spot as me.

so my advice to you is - leave. i know you want to be friends but id say wait a month, until some feelings have disolved. i know its hard, i really do, but i think if you took a month to yourself without her, you could find happiness.

this probably isnt what you want to hear but i hope it helps.

-summer
Posted on: August 26, 2009 - 12:13pm #4
 I would say that you need more distance in time between the dating and anything else aside from a friendship only. Just too soon after the flams have died down to risk blowing on a spark and getting burned again. Let it cool.
Posted on: September 4, 2009 - 3:33pm #5
Tell her how you feel and what is going on with you.

See how she is feeling about everything.

i have been in this before and me and that girl are friends now. and its amazing we still talk like we are with eachother but we know that both of us have to get our lifes straight before anything can ever work. We do still tell eachother that we love eachother and i still call her baby and she calls me babygirl, (bout the only person to get away with it)

but tell her how you feel and what is going on it might work out for the best
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