Wow, for starters you should clarify everything in your relationship as to what is allowed and what is not and what is considered cheating. IMO  "I was drunk" is no excuse for cheating or for lies. I wish that I could tell you what to do but I'm most liklely way more of a hard a** than most.
From an ethical standpoint your incident was evidently a mistake from not knowing something while his was a choice with full knowledge.
Were these things done to me I would yell at you and make up, but I would toss him out on his ear with a realy good toss.

yeah and When we tried to talk about it things got heated but as I realized we both made a mistake I tried to make him realize it as well and stop from argueing more but in his words the "Damage was done" and he was already pissed at me, the thing that got to me is the argument was revolving around his mistake yet he tried to make me feel as if I was the one on Trial and bring up things from my past in order to better his defense I really didnt appreciate any of that but I love him, also I have met  a new guy who is charming great to talk to and just got out of a really bad three year relationship he would like for me to leave my current beau and see him exclusively but I dont know if I am ready to leave here I mean we might be able to work things out who knows 2 years is just too long for me to just throw away like that over what I see as stupid mistakes... and if they dont work out do I really just want to jump in head first to another relationship how should I tell the newbie this without being hurtful cause I really dont want to lead him on but I like him and kind of want to see what would happen at the same time I am afraid to ya know......

Honestly, i think on some level this arguing about your open relationship is not your biggest problem. I almost suspect that it's a way to keep from addressing the real issue (it's a distractor that's making your pre-existing problems worse).

For an open relationship to work, you have to have a high level of trust in each other and a clear idea of what you are doing and why you are doing it. Anytime there is ambiguity or uncertainty at any part of that, problems will ensue.

If you want this relationship to last, some serious communication skills are going to have to be developed between both of you.

First, I'd suggest you two temporarily suspend your open relationship status and focus on monogamy. As I mentioned, open relationships only work if you two have high trust in each other and there's a clear idea of what you are doing (as in allowed/not allowed to do) and why you are doing it. Since I don't see that being the case, you two need to develop that trust in one another, clarify the rules, and reflect on your motivations for this type of an arrangement.

Secondly, if you seriously want to stay in this relationship, I would lose the new guy. I understand your reasoning behind connecting with him. Wanting something or someone to fall back on if your present situation doesn't work out makes sense, but it won't work out. If you were the other guy, can you imagine how it would feel if you really considered that you are somebody's "just-in-case back-up plan"? How could you objectively work on your relationship when you know you have an advantage - at anytime you can go to plan B (new guy) and get out of the situation. If you really want to stay in your current relationship, you both are going to need to focus all your energy on each other and to NOT ship it out elsewhere. Think about this: How would your relationship be different now if you took some of the energy that it took to keep connected with this other guy and transferred it back into your own relationship? By keeping a "trick up your sleeve", you are pretty much saying to yourself, " I am not going to invest 100% in this relationship" - could you expect your boyfriend to invest 100% into it if you weren't going to? How do you think a realtionship where both members aren't invested in it 100% is going to end up?

If you two do break up, I still wouldn't go to that other guy (not immediately anyhow). Ever hear of rebound relationships? I can assure you, they don't work out.

Well thank you for your advice, we have tried suspending the open status but it somehow always ends up open again. And as for the Trust I completely trust my man I mean we are all human and subject to make mistakes the trust issues are the other way around and no matter what I have tried he still does not trust me because of what other guys have done in his past, it is like I am constantly held accountable for their mistakes. I have even brought to his attention that I feel that without trust you can not fully love a person and by not trusting me he is basically telling me he is only investing half heartedly into this relationship but I also see how you would say I am doing the same with having a second guy. As for guy number two I met him completely by chance he used to date a friend and we knew of eachother but just met last weekend but yeah I think I am falling for him and fast, I can't help it that is just how I feel since meeting him he is wonderful but I want to try and work things out here.

Well, most gay male relationships are open relationships, so they can and do work.

You're the only one who knows what's right for you. If you want to work it out with your current boyfriend, I suspect it's going to take LOTS of work. If he's not going to trust you, ultimately you're not going to be satisfied in a one-sided relationship, so it would make sense to start looking outside of it. Sometimes, wanting to do something and needing to do something are different things. You may want to work things out with your boyfriend because you think you're "supposed" to do that, yet you may really need to get the hell out of there. That's not something I, or anyone else here, can point out. We all have different needs (that sometimes conflict with our wants). UItimately, if you can figure out which is which, you'll probably find a workable solution to this current problem you're facing.

Know that we all support whatever solution that may be :D

thank you so much Arron

Open relationships can be difficult to manage but they are not unmanageable, as some people think. YOu really have to sit down and set the prameters in a way that all people involved can understand.
I never recommend jumping from one relationship right into another as a general rule. Please look before you leap/

well Guy number 1 has proven that after two years he can not be trusted to follow his own rules and so it is over as for guy number two he took me out the other night and I absolutely adore him for the most part. The only problem is he hardly says a word and I never shut up at times I feel I am annoying him and dont know what to do about it, we did however agree to take things slow and see where we end up after all I do still live with guy number 1. Guy number 2 has been doing everything humanly possible to make things as easy for me as possible but I feel I am being unfair to him I mean things are getting complicated and while I was out with him guy number 1 texted me on his phone (being that I dont have a cell phone) I felt it rude and was embarassed by it what should i do

"Play Nice"    is the word of the day as far as how to deal with this situation.

Honestly, there's not one favorable thing about this set up, so pretending that there's an easy fix is pretty much useless. Since you and your ex (is that what we call him now?) live together, you two still have to see each other - and if this new guy were to ever come over, he might see him [your ex] as well. 

The more civil you can keep things between the two of you, the less traumatic it's going to be - which makes sense, of course, but it's always easier said than done because there's alot of hurt being experienced by both of you. For men, sometimes it's easier for us to express the emotion anger than what's really going on underneath all of that. Half the time men argue with each other, the issue that is being argued about isn't really what's bothering them.

Things I'd consider:

1.) is it possible to NOT have to live together?
2.) is it possible to discuss how you two can physically live under the same roof while being emotionally disconnected?
3.) how are the two of you going to handle dating other guys while living together?
4.) who sleeps where?

Basically, there's going to have to be some new rules for this new relationship you have with him. There have to be different consequences for breaking these rules though, because you can no longer threaten to break up.

Easiest solution: Somebody decide to move out.

well we still sleep in the same bed but rarely touch in anyway other than an accidental brush up..
As for guy number two comin over we have decided that other than to pick me up for the day or to drop me off it is too awkward and me and guy number two agreed not to sleep with eachother until I dont live here.
another thing you mentioned was is it possible for me not to live here and at this point it really isnt we are in a commitment in the sense that we are caring for four children ages 3, 6, 13 and 14. we made this agreement with his mom and cousin before we broke up and it would be wrong for me to just up and leave so that is why I am still here but as soon as they are back from vacation I am gonna go stay with family and guy #2 is totally understanding and willing to work with me until then so yeah it is all gonna work out eventually just things are somewhat inconvenient at the moment. but yeah this is ultimaltly his house and I am gonna move out asap but for aformentioned reasons I cant at the present moment

How very responsible of you. I'm really proud that even though it inconvenient in every sense of the word, you still maintain your responsibilities. That's not easy, and it doesn't sound like it's fun, but it is never wrong for you to do what's right.

Thank you and yes it does suck but I wouldn't want my daughter who is 2 now left in a place I felt she wouldn't get the care she needs. I happen to be more experienced with children, and the only one in the house who can cook more than a tv dinner. So yes although it may put a slight damper on things with guy #2 I figure if he can be caring enough to wait it out with me as bad as it may seem he is definately worth my time.