Hola!

I moved this over to the relationships thread; it seemed more appropriate and maybe more people will see it here. ^_^

I'm not much help with this, but I don't think you should use a measure of how long the relationship has been over, but rather a measure of how affected she is and how much she's moved on (which doesn't sound like much at all). Two or three years is a very long time, and I'm even more surprised that she has a girlfriend now.

I'm divided over shoving a reality check her way and being a bit slower about it. It's not fair to her current girlfriend to have her moping about a relationship long past, even a first relationship with many firsts. Firsts can be special, her obsession with the past seems to be hurting her (and probably her girlfriend too). I would feel at least a little hurt if I were the girlfriend, as she seems so stuck on this ex.

Instead of tugging with her about whether she feels/is stupid, it may help more to dig deeper into that. Why does she feel stupid? Why can't she let go of her ex? Is her current girlfriend not "good enough"? Is her current relationship not as good as the former one (that's now over)?

You could help her move on by removing reminders of her ex. Help her put away momentos of her past relationship. Box those old photos and trinkets. Help her talk out her past relationship to get it out of her system. Talk about what was good and what was bad and nudge her to put that past to rest. Talk to her about her current relationship and appreciating it. It would help to keep a no-contact policy with her ex to prevent old emotions and memories from resurrecting, if that's a problem.

Try scouring the Internet for those corny help pages on relationships. If you near social services, it might help her to see a counselor to talk through her past. I know Toronto has a number of non-profits that provide counselling to GLBT youth; they may exist where you are too.

wow that was helpful. Like really helpful.

But I do have to say that she talks about the good and bad about the past relationship all the time and it doesn't seem to be helping like at all. If anything its making it worse or so it seems. She does go see a counsler and she seems to be getting better but then its as if she slips when something goes wrong. And it doesn't even have to eb about the ex or have anything to do with the ex yet she breaks down. Its becoming really difficult to just not go crazy but I can't just leave her to dwell in her own self pity. She is such a beautiful person and means so much to me but I really just want to give up.
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It sounds like this girl is depressed.  It is a good thing that she's talking to a professional. I wonder if maybe medications would help stabilize her mood some, since it sounds like she breaks down often.

What kind of support system does she have? Are you the only person in her life who cares?

I wonder what she'd think about joining this site?

Her support system is pretty much just me as far as people being able to understand her. I understand her better than anyone else can> i know her inside and out. And she has been diagnosed as severly depressed.

I don't think Im the ONLY one who cares about her but.....to make things worse is she used to cut and shes been working really hard for over a year trying to break the habit and shes doing well but it still tempts her alot and she breaks down because of that. Its like nothing seems to help her anymore.

She used to always have a good time and now she does but when she gets away from people she is just so broken and you can just tell she doesnt even have to say anything.