and she keeps breaking my heart.

perhaps i should start from the beginning.

i met this girl in a chat room on a harry potter website. lol. and at the time that i met her, i was pretending to be a guy just for the sake that i didnt want to give away my info on this chatroom full of strangers, you know? so i had all this fake information that, when i was telling it in the beginning, it didnt seem like it would ever hurt anyone if i did it. so i kept lying to basically everyone in there, until i started really talking to her, and she started to really really like me. and well of course i liked her back. but she still believed i was a guy. and when we really really started talking, like, obsessively, she... is the accused the right word? i dont know. she asked me if i was a girl and eventually i told her the truth, because i trusted her.

and then she stopped talking to me.

which i understand.

but then she came to florida and i met her. and well, while she was here, we hung out pretty much every day, and she told me that she really really liked me even though i'd not told her the truth from the beginning.

so we dated long distance and it worked for a few months. but then out of nowhere she just decided that she couldnt trust me so she broke up with me and wouldnt talk to me about it for a few weeks. 

and that super upset me because i mean, i really liked her. we were getting to the point where i hated to be without her and that's a really tough spot to just out of the blue disappear.

but then all of a sudden

she came back. and wanted to be with me again. which i thought was fantastic, so we got back together.

and THEN she accused me of cheating on her with this girl that i talked to because said other girl still thought i was a guy and she thought that this other girl might be falling for me. which she was, but only because she thought i was a guy.

so we broke up again. and this time she disappeared for a few months. which sucked. so i kept to other girl, which come to find out was the reason that she didnt talked to me for a few months so i guess that was my fault...

but she popped up again, like i knew she would. and she wanted to be with me again, like i knew she would.

except a week ago, she told me she hated relationships and didnt want to be in one with me. and that it wasnt my fault, oh no, it was the whole relationship thing.

and now i really dont know what to do. do i keep talking to her and try to work out, yet again? this would be try number FOUR for those of you who lost count.

or do i walk away and lose her?

i think i love her, but this whole fuck fuck game of "i like you - no i dont" every few months out of the blue... i dont know if my little heart can take it anymore. :(