I Have a question...

Posted on: November 28, 2008 - 4:52am
I Have a question...
I don't even know if this should go in here..

ok, so I was hurt really bad awhile back and since then I try not to get attached when I talk to girls... like I've been totally cold for years. I can talk to a girl and even be with her and I feel absolutely nothing...
then I met this one girl. And she's my exes ex and I didn't want drama so I tried to stay away... but we started to talk and hang out and stuff and well.. I can't say that I'm falling yet because I barely know her, but for some reason I like her... like  a lot.

And now like, she keeps standing me up. Like, the first night I guess we had somewhat of a date planned I got everything for her favorite drink, cleaned.. I mean even did the dishes, and I hate dishes... and got stuff to make her dinner and everything, and not only did she never show up she never even let me know she wasn't going to... and she did it again last weeked. I try to be pissed but she always has a good reason, like last weekend her best friends boyfriend was drunk and getting abusive so she had to take care of her friend. So I feel bad being angry about stuff like that... but if there's always something...
And I know that she likes me. It's extremely obvious... maybe she's scared and kind of running away? I don't know..

so I guess my question is what should I do? Should I keep trying to give her a chance cuz she's a really cool person or what? I'm totally confused. I haven't liked someone this much in awhile...
__________________

I have not eaten the heart.


Posted on: November 29, 2008 - 10:33am #1
You know, reading about this other girl felt a lot like reading about you. I found it really interesting when you said, “maybe she's scared and kind of running away? I don't know…”
I wonder, do you see how your decision to try to not get attached to girls as a result of being hurt is a great example of “being scared and running away”?  I would say that I don’t know that you really feel “nothing” with these girls. If anything, I think you feel anxiety, and the way you handle that anxiety is by avoiding a connection with people.
 
I wonder if maybe the reason you find yourself liking this girl so much is because she reminds you of yourself.
 
I will say this though: sometimes people can be manipulative (and it’s not always conscious). The big give away that you are possibly being manipulated is when you said “I feel bad being angry about stuff like that…” Whether or not she has the greatest reasons in the world, consistently having someone get your hopes up and then stand you up is more than enough justification for being mad or frustrated with them.

I suppose if you really like this girl, you’ll talk to her and let her know what’s going on. One way to handle a situation where you feel torn between what to say is to flat out say you feel torn.
Example: “(girl’s name), I feel really torn right now. A part of me feels like you are not being genuine with me. We make plans and you consistently cancel them – sometimes without even telling me. I feel unimportant and disrespected by this lack of communication. Yet the other part of me feels like you want to be with me. I think you like me, and I like you, and I think you are really cool. I feel confused – are you running away? What’s really going on here?”  

At the very least, you'll get communication going, and hopefully put an end to the game.
Posted on: December 3, 2008 - 4:46pm #2
That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I actually plan to talk to her today. She's supposed to come over, and if she ditches out on me again I'll just call her or something and explain what's going on and how I'm feeling.

Thank you.
__________________

I have not eaten the heart.