Help me =[

Posted on: October 15, 2008 - 9:11pm
Help me =[
Okay so here's what going on, i am almost crying right now. :( Because i totally don't know where I fit. I've had a huge crush and a few other crushes on girls. But when I'm with them they say they just don't feel it from me... I've never had a boyfriend..so they tell me things like "why havent you experimented with them.Not saying youre not gay, but maybe you're straight" And i'm like because there's never anything there with a guy, i dont feel anything or attraction. When people see me they say "you dont act like a lesbian, what are you?" I don't know I'm having a hard time. Am i not gay? or am i just horrible at flirting or something. I don't know, they dont feel it for me, but i feel it for them. Any thoughts? opinions? Should i quit trying to be with them and just be A sexual and not feel anything?

Posted on: October 15, 2008 - 10:15pm #1
 wow, that's rough. i didn't know there was a set way lesbians were supposed to act... if you FEEL you are a lesbian, or at least only interested in girls (seeing as labels are such a cliche nowadays) then that's what you are. you don't have to be asexual or any crap like that. be who you FEEL you are, and if people can't accept that then screw them.
__________________

this is just a ficade

Posted on: October 17, 2008 - 12:28am #2
It sounds like one of the hardest aspects of this whole experience is feeling unvalidated and rejected by the community you are a part of. I suspect you probably experienced something similar with the straight community (and if you haven't, know that you will at some point). It makes you feel like you have no where to go; no where to belong.  It makes sense why you'd question being "asexual" and not feel anything if you're alternative is to feel like this.

Perhaps the reason these other people are having a hard time knowing what to do with you is because you are too "real" for them. You're not taking on a "false self" for anyone's comfort or to fit in. You are being yourself. And maybe, it scares them because on some level, they realize just how ungenuine they've been.