woah, so...

Posted on: August 20, 2008 - 4:15am
woah, so...
 so i was looking at my myspace profile making sure everything on it was still working and i looked through my old blogs.... WOW. i forgot how pissed off i used to be two years ago, like so pissed off i now remember why i'm so mean and sarcastic to people again. like seriously, when i started my sophomore year i decided i would try to be a nicer person and i wouldn't be as violent or any of that kind of thing, and it worked out well for a while... then someone pissed me off (which is a tall feat to accomplish) and didn't just piss me off once, did it continuously because she was jealous of me (and the senior friends i had). it takes a hell of a lot for me to hate a person, like literally hate them to the point that i wish i could drain the life from their body, and this girl achieved that level if not beyond it. seriously, just reading the blog any normal person that barely knows me would be able to feel the rage emanating from the words, my old friend scott even left a comment warning people that i get violent when i get like that, and he's very right (though i've learned to control it a little better).

so yeah, i dunno what the point of this was, just had to get it out of my head, not really rant material, just kinda crap going through my mind that needed a place to go.
oh and the last part of the blog is probably the most angry part of it "i'm sick of being nice (yes i've actually been very nice this year you have NO idea what i'm capable of) and i'm sick of pretending to like people. you all are going to get to meet the real kate, the kate that doesn't give a fuck what you think or what you say, the kate that's not affraid to hurt your pathetic little feelings. if i offend you, hurt your feelings, make you feel uncomfortable, or just plain piss you off... i don't give a fuck. this is your warning, passive held-back kate is gone, pissed off bitch kate is here, so deal with it, cuz i don't care." just a little chunk of it so you could get a taste for it. i was quite a force to be reckoned with after this, in fact the boys and some of the girls that were around are still scared of me.

hmm... yeah

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this is just a ficade


Posted on: August 20, 2008 - 9:33am #1
Self examination can be a strange thing. I'm glad to see that you decided to be nicer and to try and curb your violence and it sounds like you are doing well with that project. Keep up the good work and anytime something is running through your head that you need to express this is a great place to do it.
Posted on: August 20, 2008 - 12:46pm #2
I know what you're talking about. I used to be a doormat. I'd hear my mom say things to that day, about how she wishes she had done that or said this- regrets about letting people walk all over her. And I figured out that I wasn't going to be like that. My mom has gotten better herself actually, I think by knowing me. (Although I DO wish I had thrown the cupcake at that car the other day- but thats another story)

I just make sure no one else controls my behavior. I treat people how I think they deserve to be treated by my own guages- although I do give the benefit of the doubt. The thing is though I figured out I had to keep them from becoming 'my problem'. I could be  a problem to them, it doesn't matter. But yeah, i definately had an anger problem, and my mom still does. That I believe, is from holding it all in so long, so I don't think you're wrong at all in having a bit of a 'fuck you' attitude. I'd much rather be feared than walk around with a target on my chest.